Hello lovely readers, you may be curious... why am I back to the flowers after I declared I was done with them? It appears that I am wildly inconsistent these days, as I leave behind what no longer serves my future self. This past year has been a time of hibernation, of rest and realignment. A time to let go of perfectionism and outdated beliefs, and instead develop a deep awareness by leaning into a path of intuition and heart-led expression. And as I emerge anew, my intuition is calling me once again to create. The thing about this business of mine, was that it was more than just a job to me. It was my anchor, my passion, and it was my therapy. For six years, I gave my heart and soul to growing Flora in the Wild, crafting beauty and joy out of nature, and spreading love and light wherever possible. Until everything crumbled. I lost my flower farm dream, and my relationship faltered. I was left with a void. I had no inspiration, joy, or creativity remaining in me. The only way I could cope was to change lanes for a while and focus on my other love, writing.
It was the best thing I ever did. Writing helped me to begin to heal properly; inviting me to confront the pain and trauma that I had hidden deep for so long, and so it became a year of purging and releasing, of letting go and starting anew, in a way that I did not even realise I needed too. When I look back, I can see this has been a rather long and arduous 7 year journey of unbecoming and there have been many times I thought that I had finally made it, just to get pulled back down again. Yet it is only now, as the year draws to a close, that I finally feel like my true self again. I feel that familiar spark, that fire and desire. I can see that my dreams and goals are still the same; they never left me. I just had to really face myself; I had to heal, grow, and learn to be a lot kinder to myself
But we all know that life is not a fairy tale. There are still hard days, days when the loss, the grief, and the sorrow still creep in. I just let myself feel it, let it wash over me until it subsides. Then, I rise up like a wildflower towards the sun, and I carry on towards my goals and dreams. The biggest thing I have discovered about myself is that I now have to do it alone if I want to succeed. I can no longer risk giving away my dreams to another. For someone who loves to love so much, I find it ironic that I have ended up alone, yet this may be my destiny. I have had to learn to trust myself – albeit I took the hard road! And now, it's up to me to achieve my goals my way; this time, it is all on me to carry. Honestly, as quite a sensitive person, I have had so many bruises and setbacks that have knocked the wind out of me, but I seem to be able to bounce back and start again – my resilience game is strong. I find I can laugh about a lot of it now, seeing as some of the decisions I made were actually ridiculous. I guess I have reached a place where I no longer fear or feel shame around my failures, – after all, life is just one big lesson. I am stronger and more capable than I was five years ago, and for that, I am grateful.
Thank you for reading my journal. I hope it inspires you to continue to follow your dreams, even if you have to take the long and winding road to get there. I would love to hear from you, so please leave a comment below and share your thoughts. And if you enjoyed this post, please share it with your friends and family. You never know who might need a little encouragement today.
Love this so much🧡
This resonates so much for me, have recently separated and am a single mother now🧡
Finding myself again is true happiness🧡
Oviously it’s not all butterflies and roses, but I’m looking forward to my new adventure in life🧡
Love reading your Journal!! You are one very talented lady😊
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